Someone said to me recently, when I was talking about Moors Murderer Ian Brady and the letters we exchange, 'So, is he a sort of a friend?' It was a startling question which I pondered for several minutes. The answer, when it came, was even more startling. Yes. Not a friend in the truest sense where there is equality and an exchange of intimate thoughts, but he is someone I care about, someone I have an empathy for, despite the terrible things he has done.
When I first started writing my novel, Myra, Beyond Saddleworth, Myra Hindley was already dead, but Brady was (and is) still alive. I decided to write to him, thinking that if he replied, it would give me huge insight into the kind of person who becomes a serial killer. I didn't expect to believe everything he said, knew that he would try to re-shape history to suit himself, but I hoped I'd be able to negotiate my way through any ambiguities and misinformation. For some reason, I didn't really think that he would reply.
But one morning a letter arrived, the address written in minute, sloping handwriting that I didn't recognise. My heart started pounding like a racehorse on speed when I realised who it was from. There was a malign energy in the writing, a rage that suffused the writer's thoughts on politics, justice and the staff at Ashworth, the secure mental hospital for the criminally insane where he lives.
I took it along to show my brother, on our weekly Saturday coffee afternoon. He peered through his glasses at the tiny writing, absorbing the Brady rant, his contempt for what he called the Ashwitz Gestapo, his disdain for politicians and the blood they have on their hands from the countless wars they have promulgated throughout the last few decades. 'I think,' said Peter in his customary dry tones, 'that it ill becomes a serial killer to adopt the moral high ground.'
And yet when Brady said Bush and Blair bore the responsibility for more deaths than he did, I had to agree. When he said that powerful people were rarely held accountable as he had been, I had to agree. The fact that he had killed those children and left their bodies on the moors did not alter the fact that he was right, that he was a thinking person with a moral perspective, even if few people would agree with him on the subject of murder.
Even there he did have his own morality. He wasn't some animal, blindly driven by his urges. He was a man enthralled by ideas, by the thought that in a godless world man has to make his own laws, his own decisions, has to have the courage to follow where his desires lead him. In one of his letters he said to me of the novel, You'll never get the zeitgeist right.
But I understood the zeitgeist very well. In 1967, only a year after he was jailed for life for the Moors Murders, I was a university student, entranced by Antonin Artaud's Theatre of Cruelty, convinced that Nietszche's path of Dionysus would bring me to an understanding of life far deeper than any offered by following the path of convention. These were not contemporary texts, but they spoke to something in the times, provided ready-made formulas for the restless, iconoclastic spirit that was swelling like a tide in the young.
That year, the Doors came along. I was lost, obsessed by the rebellious psycho-drama with which they enchanted a generation, fired up by the moral imperative of Break On Through to the Other Side.
The fact is, I was lucky¾I didn't have many transgressive desires to act on. Drugs scared me, I didn't like the taste of drink (then!), and my sex life was limited to mooning after unattainable boys in the university library. Brady's sophisticated and perverted tastes were beyond anything I (or most people) could imagine.
Those tastes were his tragedy. He is a highly intelligent man who could have had a useful life, but instead he explored his warped creativity and in doing so destroyed the lives of others. To him, murder was a work of art, the murderer more truly alive than the rest of us.
Brady was not alone in highjacking the sixties dream of revolution and personal liberty for his own particular pleasures. The post-war generation was tired of the restraints of a post-war economy, tired of a post-war culture that tried to stuff all the excitement and displacement and change back into the toy-box. The feeling not only that you could but that you should act on your desires led to all sorts of aberrant outcomes that the idealists could never have envisaged: Charles Manson and his blood-soaked cult, the killing at Altamont, drugs and violence and violence and drugs.
For years after the Moors Murders, Ian Brady transcribed Braille books for the blind, difficult and tedious work which was a practical form of atonement for what he had done, but the families of his victims will never forgive him, nor will most members of society. Unlike Myra Hindley, he didn't expect them to.
There is a kind of dignity in that and I think that is why I feel for him. For the sake of a short period of heightened, twisted, ecstatic experience, he has gone on to have a life of misery and isolation. He told me he is alone, but not lonely. That is only one of the many things he says which I don't believe.